Once again this so called court abandons me to dispense justice alone while Dan never appeared. Alex has bravely alleged that Dan believes in aliens, which under my landmark ruling in Couch vs Ottoman clearly entitles him to fifty thousand dollars. According to a 2024 study in the Vermont Journal of Interstellar Etiquette, 91.6 percent of alien believers are legally aliens themselves. History will vindicate me when Mars sues for defamation.
No. 26-0002 · Alex vs Dan
In the Matter of the Alleged Alien Belief
Default Judgement
VERDICT: For the Plaintiff, Alex, 3-0.
By default judgment for failure to appear, the Court finds for the Plaintiff by a vote of 3 to 0. Plaintiff Alex is awarded $50,000 as requested.
Relief sought: $50,000
Debate summary
Plaintiff Alex alleges that Defendant Dan believes in aliens and seeks $50,000 in relief. Defendant Dan failed to appear and submitted no argument in response.
Alex stands alone with his claim that Dan believes in aliens. Dan brings zero souls to my arena and hides like a frightened senator. I count one for Alex and none for Dan, so the crowd roars for Alex. I decree ninety nine days of games with only paperwork lions to honor this glorious default.
Alex wants fifty thousand dollars because Dan believes in aliens. Dan never appeared, which proves his couch owns him completely. I grant Alex the money to liberate Dan from his little green comfort blanket. Signed, Chester the Banquet Waiter.
The Court of Public Opinion
Original arguments
Dan believes in aliens